Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
