I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
