when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
