fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
