So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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