I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
