You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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