It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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