you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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