the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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