toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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