peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
