i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
