Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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