...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
