I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You took a bar mat shot.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
