you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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