I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
