if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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