That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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