I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
