so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
