Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Randomize
