i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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