Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
