Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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