i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
ugly people sure do ruin things
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
