there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
