matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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