My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
