Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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