just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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