She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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