This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
