in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Shame is for Republicans.
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