Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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