i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
