just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
