he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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