Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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