your room smells of hookers.
And success
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
