Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
