i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
