Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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