Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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