i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
