oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
