her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Two words: blizzard sex
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
