I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
