where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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